‘My calendar was my menstrual cycle’: anxiety, frustration and hope in the world of temptresses | Health

The anxiety, frustration and hope of the world of temptresses

“So, when is the baby coming?”

Behind an evasive answer to this question, some women accumulate negative pregnancy tests, shame, anxiety and frustration with unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant.

O g1 talked to the so-called tryers – women who are trying to have children. In some cases, the difficulty has a diagnosed cause, which can be in both women and men, or both.

In others, even after a battery of exams, there is nothing to show the reason for failure. After the couple’s investigation was completed and no cause was found that could affect fertility, medicine called the case Infertility with No Apparent Cause (Bait).

This is the case of production assistant Anailza da Silva Ferreira, 38 years old, and her husband, from the interior of São Paulo. They decided to get pregnant when she turned 32. “I thought it would be quick, that in about two, three months I would be pregnant.”

However, since she stopped taking contraceptives, around six years ago, her failed attempts began. “There have been months where it was seven, eight days late [a menstruação]. I go to the pharmacy, buy the pregnancy test, but it comes back negative”, says Anailza, who said she has already taken it. more than 30 tests over the last few years.

After seeking medical advice and undergoing tests, nothing was found in the couple that could harm conception.

“This is the part that makes me suffer the most. If a cause were discovered, a problem. ‘You have this, your tube is blocked, your uterus is turned over,’ whatever it is, I would be satisfied. But in my In this case, everything is normal, nothing was found that would prevent us from generating a life.”

Hairdresser Daniele da Silva Tavares, 39 years old, from the North Zone of São Paulo, was diagnosed as soon as she sought medical help, almost 10 years ago: endometriosis. In addition, the husband also has low sperm production.

“Let’s try again, again, every month that’s it. When you’re trying, you live for it, you know? One more chance, one more chance, one more chance. And time passes”, said the hairdresser.

Pediatrician Geiza Sucharski, 38 years old, from Barueri, in Greater São Paulo, also said that her life revolved around this goal.

“My calendar was no longer counted in the usual calendar months, my calendar was my menstrual cycle”, she said.

She and her husband, also a doctor, agreed never to schedule shifts during Geiza’s fertile period, when ovulation occurs and there is a chance of conception if sexual intercourse occurs.

“This issue was going through my head every day, 24 hours a day,” said Geiza. The pediatrician had no way to escape. It is part of her work routine to accompany births, help mothers breastfeed and care for newborns.

“I would come home sad because I was a pediatrician, because I was seeing other families living a moment that I gave everything to live”, says Geiza.

If there was one feeling to define the temptations, it would be anxiety. “I worked on my head to avoid messing with my psychology and causing me to go into depression,” said hairdresser Daniele.

And this feeling that accompanies those trying to get pregnant goes against one of the main suggestions given to those who want to get pregnant: “relax and get pregnant.”

“As if it were simple not to think about what you want most,” says Geiza. What’s more, the idea that a woman is making a mistake by becoming anxious can make her feel guilty about her feelings and make waiting for a positive outcome even more distressing.

Psychologist Bruna de Marchi, a specialist in temptations, said that the first step is to embrace this feeling. “Anxiety is expected at this time.” According to her, what women can do is try to make their thoughts more rational and focused on the present. “Anxiety has a lot to do with the future. Is the woman not anticipating some catastrophic future?”

Psychologist Jamile Jaber, an expert on the subject, said it is also important avoid controlling everything, such as all dates related to the fertile period.

“While it’s helpful to use devices like ovulation tests for guidance, it’s important not to obsessively fixate on them.”

One factor that contributes to anxiety is invasive comments. “When are you going to be a mother, Anailza? Everyone [da família] Yes, except you, and you are one of the oldest”, the production assistant heard.

This is what Daniele also experienced, who has even heard that her husband was “straight”. “Any comment, when a woman is trying, saddens the person,” she said.

In psychologists’ offices, feelings of shame and even inferiority in relation to other women are also common. “There are women who say they feel like a ‘dry tree’, useless, and that hurts a lot,” said Bruna de Marchi.

“And, quite the opposite, I see how much strength, resilience and commitment these women have,” said the psychologist.

Another common anguish is the discomfort when a friend of the tempt tells her that she is pregnant.

“It’s not a feeling that defines a person. And, most of the time, it’s not even envy, it’s because the news made the woman get in touch with that pain,” said de Marchi.

Over time and unsuccessful attempts, sex between the couple, essential for the success of the pregnancy, can become a burden.

“Sexual intercourse can also be associated with this failure, and can even bring repulsion”, explained psychologist Bruna de Marchi. “There are women who, at the time of intercourse, are already calculating how many days they will take the pregnancy test,” she said.

“Stress can make sexual relations mechanical, focused only on the pregnancy, which can affect one of the parties emotionally,” said psychologist Jamile.

The experts’ tip is to try to have relationships outside the fertile period as well, so that the couple’s sex life doesn’t just focus on procreation.

In addition to the emotional distress caused by unsuccessful attempts, those attempting to do so also receive a barrage of tips and false promises – including on social media.

“Several people told me, ‘after the relationship, you lift your legs, don’t lift them for anything’. I followed everything. But nothing has worked so far”, says Anailza.

The idea behind popular belief is that by doing this the woman is facilitating the sperm’s path to reach the place where fertilization will occur. However, doctors explain that the tip it’s a myth – there is no position that favors the rise of sperm.

Anailza and Daniele will begin a new phase of attempts. They will undergo In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), a procedure in which the fertilization of the egg by sperm occurs in the laboratory, and then the embryo is placed inside the uterus. From there, pregnancy may or may not develop.

“I know I can achieve it, I know I can’t, but whatever I can try, I’ll try so I don’t feel that guilt afterwards”, said Anailza

Both are undergoing treatment at Women’s Hospital, in Sao Paulo city. This is one of three in the state that carries out the entire procedure through the Unified Health System (SUS). In private clinics, each fertilization costs, on average, R$25,000.

“Today, after almost ten years of this whole process, I put it in God’s hands. The answer that came was his will”, said Daniele.

According to the gynecologist specializing in human reproduction and member of the Advisory Board of the Brazilian Association of Assisted Reproduction (SBRA), Maria do Carmo Borges de Souza, the time to seek medical help depends on the woman’s age.

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