Fetish or impulse? Having sex in public can lead to personal or life dissatisfaction as a couple, says expert | Tocantins

A public sex scene recorded in the central region of Palmas took social media by storm during the week. A couple was in the middle of a sexual act, hugging each other on the lawn of the Avenida NS-02. This was not the first time that scenes like this were filmed in the state. But beyond exhibitionism or fetish, the behavior can have deeper meanings, which may involve personal dissatisfaction or even in life as a couple.

O g1 He sought out therapist and sexologist Glícia Neves, who works with couples in Palmas, to talk about this type of behavior. To begin with, she explains that life in society requires that social norms be followed, even if the person does not agree.

But, analyzing beyond the legal issue, the expert explains that the behavior can come from the adrenaline of the moment.

“Often these couples, who are in slightly more reserved places, on a float, at the edge of the pool, on the beach, are in a place open to the public. Perhaps this couple did not want their sexuality, their intimacy, to be put in jeopardy. public. But there it is in the adrenaline, in the excitement, in the heat of the moment and it ends up happening”, he said.

Couple was caught having sex on an avenue in the center of Palmas

The videos are popular on social media because they are explicit, but for the therapist this type of action has always existed. What makes it reach a larger audience is the fact that practically everyone has a cell phone at hand and is able to film as soon as they have the opportunity.

“These more open, more public sexual manifestations have always existed and will continue to exist. But in the past there wasn’t a little thing called a cell phone. So people were a little freer to have their sexual acts a little more open, that is, to cheat the system a little, to break the rule of the crime of obscene acts a little. People were already doing this and they are not going to stop, but today there is always someone with a cell phone somewhere so it ends up that this is more evident”, he pointed out. .

When these types of footage appear, one of the questions that arises in the minds of ‘viewers’ is: what makes a couple want to show moments of sexual intimacy in public? For the therapist, this question has some answers, but they can all originate from something bigger, such as dissatisfaction in some area of ​​life.

“In the first moment it can be adrenaline, the excitement of the moment, the chemistry of the moment, enjoying the moment, that you simply turn off all your rational rest, all the Id, Ego and Superego and give vent to that there. Turn it off, do it and the consequences will come then, because you’re never alone these days”, he said.

Couple is caught having sex in the pool of an inn in Miracema do Tocantins

There is also the development of behaviors outside the social standard, explained Glícia. “In a second moment it may be that this person has a paraphilia, which are sexual behaviors not accepted by society, some behavior that goes outside the norm. When we talk about sex there is not much way to establish standards, because it depends a lot on what the person is feeling at the moment, but society tries to set these standards.”

Within the so-called paraphilias, there is voyeurism, characterized by the desire, fetish and excitement in seeing someone having sex or being seen during the act. For the expert on the subject, couples can have this type of paraphilia. As long as it is practiced behind closed doors, it can have some acceptance. But if it becomes public, things ‘change tone’. In this sense, we can perceive issues of the need for validation or personal dissatisfaction, even if implicit.

“There are couples who look for this and it has a lot to do with the feeling of validation because sex. Especially for men, there is a lot of that conquest thing, the phallic shape, it is the man who breaks through, it is the man who makes strong movements, it is the man who puts the woman in various positions. So for the man there is a lot of this issue of ego, of ‘I can’, a sense of validation. Voyer has a lot of this, he wants to be validated through that possible projection of power through the act. sexual”.

In this context, Glícia stated that it is men who usually encourage and motivate women to continue the act in public.

In addition to the need for validation and the possible presence of paraphilias, the large consumption of pornography that is easily accessible via the internet may also have its share of blame for igniting this type of desire in people. For the therapist and sexologist, people look for experiences similar to this type of content.

“People are using sex as an escape valve to try to relieve some tension, some fear, some existential void in the sexual relationship. And then we will see a lot of things in this sense because people are going out of themselves and trying to satisfy this need that they won’t get through sex”, he explained.

It may seem ironic, but exposure in sex scenes like the one on Avenida de Palmas or the hotel pool is the least of the problems for those involved. There may be something that goes beyond the behavior itself, but involves the thought that generated the trigger for the possibly ‘thoughtless’ action.

In other words, there may be something more to the person’s life behind the behavior than just sexual activity. For the sexologist and therapist, people pay little attention to these deeper issues.

Couple is caught having sex on a floating boat on Lake Palmas

“Behavior alone has no effect, it has a way of thinking first. This way of thinking can be ‘I want to validate who I am’, ‘I want to feel loved’, ‘I want to feel appreciated’, ‘I want people to people value me’, ‘I want to be seen’, ‘I want to be famous’. There is an internal feeling of lack that makes people look for sex to satisfy this need. what is inside me, what is the emptiness in my soul that makes me drink until I fall to the ground and then have sex in a public place”, warned Glícia.

The idea of ​​routine is almost ‘demonized’ in general, as if it were the cause of sameness within a relationship or even its destruction. But even though it is seen as negative for many couples, the specialist also highlighted the benefits of having the same habits on a daily basis, especially in relation to sexual life.

“Routine needs to exist within a relationship. You have two ways, you can build a routine that is already pleasurable, and then in this construction you will feel pleasure in everything you do, and you can build a routine that is tiring. Then when it’s tiring, you get that feeling that you need to get out of your routine for something to happen. And that doesn’t work, because you’ll get out of your routine once and then you won’t be able to do it again”, he said.

The routine situation may not be as complex, but it still requires attention to identify the points on which the couple needs to work. To this end, Glícia advised the search for couples or sexual therapy to focus on what is causing the ‘coldness’ in the relationship.

“Having sex outdoors, traveling, looking for a swing house, opening a relationship, all of this is an escape from reality. This is not how we seek this internal well-being. It’s not outside, it’s inside. So what’s inside of each person, causing this distance, generating this coldness in the relationship, that’s where we need to work. The great transformation is not in the behavior, it’s not in the action, it’s not in the mentality of the people involved”, he said. tip.