Here’s how to deal with the loss of a loved one

Here’s how to deal with the loss of a loved one
Here’s how to deal with the loss of a loved one

If you had one hour to live, what would you do? Who would you call? What would you say? These questions help break the taboo on this topic that is so present in many people’s lives.

To free yourself from the weight of grief, the first process is to talk. Talking about death, mourning a loved one or our own finitude is the only possible way to make this reality or prospect less frightening. Grief is something that we cannot just put aside and try to forget, it is a natural process, death happens to each of us as a result of birth, and we have to learn to deal with it to have a full life!

Death is a topic little discussed

I learned that there is a light and beautiful way of talking about the subject. We live as if we were eternal, unprepared to die or help anyone die. Death is a biological and natural process, also consisting of psychological aspects and social. Therefore, death presents itself as a movement imbued with values ​​and meanings that depend on the social and historical context in which it manifests itself.

In Brazil, death is culturally taboo, a topic that is rarely discussed compared to research carried out around the world. Without reflection on death and dying, the opportunity to construct new meanings about finitude is lost. Although death is part of every day as a certainty in life, no one talks openly about it. Without conversation, there is no preparation.

Religious interpretations of death

Religious interpretations given to death vary by culture. Thus, in Buddhism, death is not the end, but the continuation of a cycle between life and death; In Hinduism, death is also interpreted as a new beginning, in which reincarnation is the next step, the same interpretation given by spiritualism. Therefore, death as an “end” does not exist for these religions.

In Brazil, the largest part of the population their beliefs are influenced by Christianity and, for these people, death is the end of earthly life, and there will only be another life after the coming of Christ, when everyone will be judged and taken to paradise or hell. Thus, a reunion with the deceased will only occur after the death of those who are in mourning, and that is why they mourn the death of a loved one, who will be forever absent from their present life.

Brazilians debate little about death

According to research carried out by Studio Ideias, commissioned by the Union of Private Cemeteries and Crematories of Brazil (SINCEP) and presented by BBC News Brasil, a considerable portion of the Brazilian population does not feel comfortable with issues related to death, ranging from holding funeral ceremonies the freedom that a person should have or not to decide about the end of their life.

Talking about the topic was seen by a significant portion of those interviewed as something depressing (48%) and morbid (28%). The survey also showed that Brazilians have reservations about how and who to talk to about death: 55% agreed that “it is important to talk about death, but people are generally not prepared to listen”.

Grief is a process that occurs when faced with the loss of someone (Image: Ground Picture | Shutterstock)

What is grief?

But mourning, contrary to what most people think, is not just about death: it is a process that occurs when faced with the loss of someone or something. emotional importance for some person. Yes, it can be death, but it can also happen due to breakups, the end of a relationship, dismissal, etc. There is the mourning of the loss of youth, of colored hair, of lost friendships, of idealized children. There are many mournings and rebirths.

Pain caused by grief

It is not possible to talk about grief without talking about pain, that is, grief always produces the feeling of pain. After a loss, feelings such as fear, sadness, guilt, anger and insecurity are expected to be heightened and, as a result, some behaviors become evident, such as the desire to be alone and the feeling of lack of energy or motivation, for example. It is important to note that, during the period of mourning, your emotions are responses to the changes that have occurred as a result of what the person is missing in your life.

In the grieving process, we must find a way to bear the pain of loss, not deny it, block it or fight it, but find our way. own way of processing it. As Augustus Waters said: “That’s the problem with pain, it needs to be felt”.

Each person has their own way of reacting. Therefore, there is never a pattern, even about the stages of grief: they can last days, months or even years. It all depends on the person’s emotional structure and how they develop this bond with the loss.

“Death arrives at our house, on any given day, interrupts a project, shelve dreams, empties hugs, mutes the voice, silences the steps. His arrival does not require any major events, he lurks in the corners of the house at ordinary times – after dinner, sleeping, before dawn, watching a TV program, in the middle of a film, waiting for Sunday lunch – without ceremonies, a visit right, but still intrusive.” (When death comes home: mourning and longing by Teresa Gouvêa, 2018).

Stages of grief

You feelings Loss and grief take time to be accepted, unfortunately they do not disappear as quickly as we would like. Grief, like most things, changes! It is temporary, even if it sometimes seems permanent. For this reason, I present in a simple and direct way a small explanation of the 5 phases that make up the grieving process, according to Kübler-Ross. Check out:

1st Phase: shock

“Shock” is a general term to describe the intensity of the trauma we face. This phase depends on numerous factors, such as the cause of death, where it occurred, the manner, among other issues, which end up directly influencing the “traumatic level”.

2nd Phase: Chaotic thoughts

Chaotic feelings begin to sensitize the body, expressing emotions projected onto the external environment and the feeling of nonconformity. One of the most difficult phases, as some attitudes have no plausible justification.

3rd Phase: removal

Just when you think it’s finally over, you start to pull away. This is not depression, but an attempt to conserve energy and renew oneself. Important part of the process.

4th Phase: healing

Recognize that since the loss, you are just a reminder of what you used to be, and you need to find out who you are and live your own life. The mourner now reaches the moment when the longing becomes more peaceful.

5th Phase: renewal

We often don’t believe that we will be able to return to the normal flow of our lives, but with time we managed. Therefore, after a sequence of difficult but necessary phases, we were able to perceive the change and go through the entire grieving process.

Hope is the most common feeling in all stages of grief. Even the most resigned hope for the possibility of a cure. At this moment, the role of the therapist is fundamental, preserving hope in the patient and trying to save him so that no one gives in. After all, the absence of hope is the harbinger of the end.

Per hypnotherapist Débora Diniz

Hypnotherapist trained at the OMNI Hypnosis Training Center, Débora Diniz uses this science in her consultations to help her patients find a healthy way to control fears and negative behaviors. She was a pioneer in the creation of a Parenteral and Enteral Nutritional Therapy Service and in the construction of the first “clean room” to prepare these nutritions in a hospital environment in Brazil..

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The article is in Portuguese

Tags: Heres deal loss loved



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