Emotional intelligence, 5 lessons to train and live better

The advantages of having a high emotional intelligence are unquestionable: better management of emotions, more empathy and improved ability to solve problems. According to Daniel Goleman, the theorist behind emotional intelligence, there are five fundamental skills for those who possess it: self-awareness, self-control, motivation, empathy and social skills. But how to develop them? Here are five lessons that might come in handy.

1. The “Blue Dolphin” Rule

The “Blue Dolphin” rule is an antidote to the “white bear phenomenon,” which describes the tendency to focus on troubling thoughts that we try to suppress. Instead of allowing yourself to be dominated by negative thoughts, replace them with positive and stimulating thoughts, as the blue dolphin does. This replacement transforms potentially negative energy into positive, allowing for better management of anxiety and stress.

2. The “Candy” Rule

The “candy” rule, inspired by an experience mentioned by Daniel Goleman, illustrates the importance of patience and compromise. Children who can wait for a reward are generally more successful in adulthood. Likewise, being patient and waiting can lead to better and more rewarding results.

3. The “Awkward Silence” Rule

This rule is based on the principle of mindfulness and proposes to pause before answering uncomfortable or challenging questions. This pause provides time for reflection and a more thoughtful response, which can improve communication and emotional control.

4. The “Diamond Cutter” Rule

Just as a diamond in the rough needs to be polished to reveal its beauty, criticism can be used to refine our actions and behavior. Rather than rejecting criticism, we should accept it as an opportunity to learn and improve.

5. The “Milk Carton” Rule

Finally, the “milk carton” rule reminds us that it is not always possible to change others and their actions, but we can always find creative solutions to work around challenging situations. This reduces stress and improves adaptation to difficult situations.

Remember, developing emotional intelligence is an ongoing process and requires prrile up. Learning to deal with emotions is not something that happens overnight. However, adopting these rules can be a good starting point.

Training the Mind for Emotional Intelligence

Just like the muscles in the body, the mind also needs to be trained to become stronger. In the case of emotional intelligence, this training involves developing self-awareness, self-control, motivation, empathy and social skills.

Start by identifying and acknowledging your emotions. This is essential for self-awareness. Once you are aware of your emotions, it is easier to control them and not be controlled by them.

Empathy comes from understanding and acknowledging the emotions of others. Try to put yourself in the shoes of others and understand their perspectives. This can help improve social relationships and communication.

Motivation is the force that drives us to achieve our goals. Try to understand what really motivates you and use that to drive you.

Self-control involves the ability to manage emotions, especially in stressful situations. Learning to remain calm and composed in difficult situations is a valuable skill.

Incorporating the Rules into Daily Life

The rules mentioned are helpful, but they need to be practiced to become effective. Start by incorporating one rule at a time into your daily life. For example, you can start with the “Blue Dolphin” rule, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.

Remember, it’s natural to encounter difficulties along the way. After all, we are dealing with ingrained emotions and behavior patterns. However, with practice and persistence, it is possible to develop emotional intelligence and reap the benefits in your personal and professional life.

Ultimately, emotional intelligence is a journey of self-discovery and growth. It’s a worthwhile journey, full of learning and opportunities to improve the quality of life. And as you make your way along this journey, you’ll discover that emotions, rather than obstacles, can become powerful allies for a fuller, more satisfying life.